Rules of Engagement Pt 2

There's no sense wishing things happened in a different way than they did, because you can't change it.

But… I sort of wish our chat on the way into the school that one night had happened before the night you invited me to your house.

Because I have been dying to talk to you, alone, since then.

(…let's just not mention that I had a chance to that last night of the camping trip… sigh I know, I know…)

You said that we should spend a lot more time together.

I agreed.

But… how? What are your parameters for that?

How far are you willing to go?

Could I… invite you over…

Tonight?

I… um… I stocked up on some beers that I think maybe you'd enjoy. Just in case.

And I know I just said (in these letters that you don't read) that my house is a mess and I'm embarrassed to have you over, but… I've remedied that. Mostly.

But alas, it's not a good night for it, even though it is the perfect night for it. You're alone. I'm alone. So rare. So very, very rare.

But, it's a school night. Can't use the kids as an excuse (not to mention an alibi) like last time. Not to mention, I'm helping one of mine with math homework even as I write this… not something I'd easily be able to do with you sitting across from me…

Yeah. Tonight wasn't going to work. sigh. Well. I'll still be free tomorrow night, will you be? Or at lunch?

And can I ask you?

I guess that's really the point.

Can I ask you?

Where are the limits of your comfort?

Maybe I'm weird, maybe I'm stepping all over my own feet here, maybe me being like this is for my own loss, but… that just feels like a face-to-face conversation to me. Not a text.

But the only chance I've ever even had since you said you wanted to spend more time with me, I squandered. And I know we don't get to talk alone all that often. Not often at all. So… I was kicking myself about that a few weeks ago when it happened. And now I'm kicking myself about it all over again.

And, I know you aren't, but sometimes it feels like you hide yourself away on these rare nights. Don't take your usual walk. Don't come out front to water your flowers or check your mail while I'm walking my dog (though I did catch you looking out your window at me on my last lap tonight… gosh… even just your silhouette is so lovely…). I'm certain it's just chance, but… Even if we could just chat at your mailbox for a minute or two… sigh

Well. I have faith we'll figure it out, my love. I've got a feeling that if we don't get to talk soon, I'm likely going to break down and make an opportunity to talk to you. Somehow. I need to. I need to. And while I still have a lot of work to do, I'm getting a whole lot better at letting my heart take the wheel.

We'll figure it out. I know we will.

Eventually (but really, already) yours.